Hey there. There’s a common saying about relationships that’s always bothered me a little. You’ve probably heard it too. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I think it’s well-meaning, but it misses something important.
The truth is, you don’t need to have everything figured out before building meaningful relationships. What really matters is that you’re in process. You’re working toward self-acceptance. You’re learning to appreciate who you are, even if you don’t always like the past versions of yourself. Especially if you’ve changed. That process takes time, and sometimes, the relationships we’re in actually help us grow into that self-love we’re chasing.
Loving yourself isn’t a finish line you cross so you can finally be “relationship ready.” It’s a practice. A mindset. A connection to yourself that deepens over time. And if you’ve found yourself in the same kinds of relationships with different people, that’s usually a sign to pause and reflect. What are you really looking for? What are you willing to give? What patterns are you repeating?
The way you show up in your relationships mirrors the way you show up for yourself. So when you start appreciating yourself for everything you are and everything you’ve been through, your relationships shift. You start making different choices. You notice things you used to overlook. You expect more, not in a demanding way, but in a self-aware one.
I’ve learned that the idea of “living life from the inside out” is more than just a phrase. It’s a commitment. You work on the internal stuff first. You face the uncomfortable parts. You build trust with yourself. And from there, you start navigating life and relationships in a way that feels real and sustainable.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s not about reaching a state where you love every single thing about yourself all the time. It’s about noticing your patterns, your desires, your boundaries, and building a relationship with yourself that guides how you connect with others.
So no, I don’t believe you have to fully love yourself before being in a relationship. But I do believe that working on self-acceptance, appreciation, and clarity will change everything about how you relate to the world around you.
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